Most people that are close to me know that I have control issues and it wasn’t until lately I realized how I needed to overcome strongholds in my life and that control was one of them. I thought that at one point I had my issue under control!! Get it? Under control?! Boy, was I mistaken. Giving up control actually means you have to trust someone else to take care of things and that is a very difficult thing to do. Most of us have made the statement, “It’s easier to do it myself than have someone else do it”, or say, “I know it will be done right if I do it”. Admit it, I know you’ve said it. If you are a control person, you also think you are always right, so you try to manipulate the situation towards the outcome you think is best.
It wasn’t until I was out for my morning walk a few weeks ago that I was reminded of my lack of trust in my husband and just how much I have been trying to control all of our decisions as if I knew best. This reminder came in the form of a persimmon. You might wonder what a persimmon would have to do with my issue of trust, but it took me back to a time when we were fishing on the plantation my husband managed at the time. We had parked the truck near a persimmon tree and the fruit looked amazingly good. I jumped on the truck bed to get close to the tree to pick it and my husband says, “Don’t eat it! It’s not ripe!!” I looked at that fruit and I looked at him and my thought was “He’s crazy, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” You have to realize, my husband has a degree in fish and wildlife management and is a Certified State Naturalist, he knows a thing or two about the outdoors, but the fruit appeared to be ripe and it looked so juicy, I had to taste it. This sounds so much like Eve in the Garden of Eden, but unlike Adam, my husband had enough sense to not eat the fruit. I bit into the persimmon and at first it was pretty good then all of a sudden my mouth puckered up and it felt like cotton. I couldn’t get the stuff out of my mouth fast enough and then I was still gagging and spitting hoping to get the horrible taste out of my mouth. It took forever for my mouth to feel normal and believe me I will never do it again.
Even though I would never eat an unripe persimmon again, it didn’t cure me from a lack of trust in my husband and the persimmon tree made me realize I still had issues. It softened my heart for the real work that God was about to do in me.
Later that day, I took my Bible study that our small group was working through called Rooted out on the porch to dive into that days lesson on strongholds. A stronghold is a fortified place with strong walls that protect it. That sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? Yet, a stronghold is that particular sin, thought, attitude or addiction in your life you haven’t moved pass, and Satan has used this to establish a hold over you to prevent you from moving forward in Christ. I had fortified walls but they were protecting all the negative things in my life. At the end of the study, we were asked to write a prayer confessing our strongholds. I took out my journal and began to pray, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the strongholds in my life and as He did, I wrote them down. Control was one of the strongholds and lack of trust was one of the subheadings underneath control. I knew control was still an issue because of the reminder of the persimmon debacle and I began to write down names with whom I had trust issues and the first person that came to my mind was my husband. I began to weep and confess to the Lord my lack of trust in my husband. I was so broken hearted that I jumped up and had to go find him. I had to confess my lack of trust and ask his forgiveness.
I praise God that He was working in my husband, too!! Phil could see my brokenness and I believe that it had been a prayer of his as well. He didn’t have that I told you so kind of attitude. Any marriage has to have trust and we had trust but not in its entirety. I also realize that a lack of trust in my marriage reflected a lack of trust in God. As Christians our marriage should reflect our relationship with Christ and I know that everyday it will look more and more like that as I am dealing with the stronghold of control. When I think about Adam and Eve when they took of the fruit, God told Eve that her husband would rule over her, yet prior to the fall she was his helpmate. Before Christ all we could do was have a power struggle between my husband and I, but now that Christ is in us, His power is within us to overcome the stronghold of control and we can begin to work together as I become his helpmate once again as God intended.
To have victory over strongholds there are 3 important steps to take that we learned in our study:
1) Honesty/Confession – As I asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to me the areas of my life where there were strongholds, I began to confess them to God. Confession means “to call it as it is”. So often we want to slip it under the carpet and not fully realize the scope of the sin. I knew I had control issues but never thought of it as that big of an issue, much less sin. You can’t go half way with your confession when you know what the stronghold in your life is, you have to lay it all out. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
2) Surrender/Repentance – Most of us don’t like the word repentance because it means a complete turn around from the direction we were headed. It’s easier to remain on the path of destruction and bondage. It’s familiar! Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Turn away and turn to God is the key!! Don’t you want times of refreshing? That is exactly what is happening for me since my confession but I still have more to work on. This is just the beginning.
3) Stand with People/Accountability – This is a tough one for most people because it requires vulnerability and believe me I don’t typically like people knowing all my baggage. Writing this post has been very difficult, but God wouldn’t let me get away from it. There needs to be honest confession between you and a trusted Christian friend that will hold you accountable, encourage you, cheer you and sometimes drag you along when things get tough. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”
The one thing I know is that the enemy isn’t going to give up easily. Expect to be tempted and attacked by the enemy, but remember that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in you and you can walk in freedom every day. Ever since my confession to my husband, it hasn’t been easy. I still fall into some of the old habits of control and lack of trust, but I am more aware of what it is and I can bring it to God in prayer and He is faithful to forgive. There is freedom in Christ and I want to walk in it daily. There are so many more strongholds that I have to work through, but by the grace of God, I will prevail. Are there areas in your life that Satan has established a stronghold? Ask God to reveal them to you and begin to walk in freedom!!
